Many Christians are in a quandary when it comes to talking about sex.
The Bible is actually quite frank about a number of matters that we wouldn’t express in exactly the same way today. Perhaps the culture at the time allowed for that. Perhaps our over-charged sexual culture these days causes us to keep all discussion of sex to “the talk” parents give their children, to premarital counseling, and between husband and wife.
One of my professors at a Christian college, I think in a class about the home I took as a Home Economics Education major, recommended The Act of Marriage by Tim and Beverly LaHaye. Of course, we knew the basics, nature will take its course, and people will figure it out (and have for thousands of years). But some of us like to be a bit better prepared.
I just rediscovered another helpful book that I had hidden away (perhaps so my sons wouldn’t stumble across it when they were younger) and forgotten about: Honey, I Don’t Have a Headache Tonight by Sheila Wray Gregoire.
The theme of the book is a common problem: men are usually “in the mood” more often than women are. Sometimes the situation is reversed (in as many as 1/3 of marriages at the time this book was written). Sheila addresses some of the matters that cause this discrepancy and shares ways to deal with them from a Biblical basis. There’s a chapter on each of the following topics:
- Men and women are wired differently.
- Paying attention to the rest of the marriage will affect the sexual aspect.
- Lack of energy
- The problem of pornography, past abuse, wrong attitudes, and “reclaiming godly sexuality”
- Roles and gender
The last chapter deals with a number of questions and problem issues.
A few quotes from the book:
We treat sex as if it’s something purely instinctive, not something imbued with all the relational and emotional components that God gave it (p. 64).
God made sex because He wants us to enjoy it. It’s precious. But think of how you treat other precious things. Men who collect antique cars polish them, wax them, and watch for any blemish or problem so they can take care of it before it gets out of control. They’re constantly vigilant. We need to have the same attitude about sex. It’s precious, it’s fragile, and it needs our tender care so that it can shine, too (p. 80).
Don’t feed your mind with romance novels, soap operas, or other harmful illusions that will just make you chronically unsatisfied. Take the initiative yourself to warm up the relationship to romance (p. 97).
While I didn’t agree with every little point in the book, overall I found it very helpful. I debated with myself a long time about whether to mention the book here on the blog. But since, as I mentioned earlier, these matters are common problems, I thought I’d share this as a good resource. And it’s a good resource even without problems, since it emphasizes the relationship, unselfishness, thoughtfulness, and marriage as the picture God intended.