Book Review: The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert

I don’t know when 148 pages of someone’s life story has impacted me more. There are sections where I have sticky tabs and markings on several pages in a row.

The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert: An English Professor’s Journey Into Christian Faith is Rosaria Champagne Butterfield’s story of how she, as an atheist, leftist, feminist, lesbian professor specializing Critical Theory, or postmodernism, and whose specialty was Queer Theory, who hated Christians, encountered and embraced the truths of Christianity in what she calls a “train wreck” of a conversion.

After a few pages detailing how she came to her professorship and worldview, she describes a kind and inquiring letter from a pastor in response to an article she had written.

The Bible makes it clear that reason is not the front door of faith. It takes spiritual eyes to discern spiritual matters. But how do we develop spiritual eyes unless Christians engage the culture with those questions and paradigms of mindfulness out of which spiritual logic flows? That’s exactly what Ken’s letter did for me – invited me to think in ways I hadn’t before (pp. 8-9).

The letter had invited her to call him, and after a week, she did. He invited her to have dinner with him and his wife at their home, and she accepted. She was also at this time doing research for a book on the Religious Right and figured he could answer some of her questions. “Even though obviously these Christians and I were very different, they seemed to know that I wasn’t just a blank slate, that I had values and opinions too, and they talked with me in a way that didn’t make me feel erased” (p. 10). Thus began two years of regular meetings and studying Scripture before she ever set foot in a church, which Ken and his wife knew would probably be “too threatening, too weird, too much” (p. 11) for her. “Good teachers make it possible for people to change their positions without shame. Even as Ken prayed for my soul, he did it in a way that welcomed me into the church rather than made me a scapegoat of Christian fear or an example of what not to become,” (p. 14.)

Gradually she came to believe, but she knew it would cost her. “I clung to Matthew 16:24, remembering that every believer had to at some point in life take the step I was taking: giving up the right to myself, taking up his Cross (i.e., the historicity of the resurrection, not masochism endured to please others), and following Jesus.” “I learned that we must obey in faith before we feel better or different. At this time, though, obeying in faith, to me, felt like throwing myself off a cliff” (p. 22). “One doesn’t repent for a sin of identity in one session. Sins of identity have multiple dimensions, and throughout this journey, I have come to my pastor and his wife, friends in the Lord, and always the Lord himself with different facets of my sin” (p. 23).

She tells of a woman she knew and counseled who was in a Bible-believing church but was in a secret lesbian relationship. Her secret denied her the help and prayers of other believers and only resulted in shame and pretense. When Rosaria asked why she didn’t share her struggle with anyone in her church, she replied, “If people in my church really believed that gay people could be transformed by Christ, they wouldn’t talk about us or pray about us in the hateful way they do” (p. 25). Rosaria then asks readers, “Do your prayers rise no higher than your prejudice? I think that churches would be places of greater intimacy and growth in Christ if people stopped lying about what we need, what we fear, where we fail, and how we sin” (p. 25).

Rosaria was a tenured professor in subjects that would now radically change because of her conversion. When she let it be known that she was now a Christian, both she and her gay friends felt she had betrayed them and turned traitor. “I…was alert to the reality that God had ministry waiting for me. I prayed that I would be strong for the task at hand. Yes, I was still a laughing stock in the gay community. Yes, I was still a traitor and an example of what not to be. But so too was Paul the Apostle shamed among Pharisees, and I trusted that God would take my life and make a place for me” (p. 50).

The rest of the book tells how God did just that, both in her career and ministry to others, leading her to marry a pastor, to eventually adopt four biracial children, and to become a homeschooling mom.

Along the way, she shares an eye-opening perspective of what Christianity looks like to others. For instance, when she moved to a community where there were Bible verses on bumper stickers and placards, instead of it looking like people were sharing a bit of light, it looked to her like the community was for “insiders” only. Christians seemed like “bad thinkers” or even anti-intellectual to her before this journey, using Scripture to shut down conversations rather than to shed light. Unfortunately, that is too often true: instead of truly discussing what the Bible has to say and being “ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear” (I Peter 3:15b), some Christians take offense at being asked and use Scripture to bludgeon. One of my own family members has been turned off, not so much to all Christian truth, but to Christian community because of this experience.

One theme that comes out throughout the book is the willingness to engage people who are different from us in any way. Thank God the pastor and wife who first shared Christ with her looked past her butch haircut and gay and pro-choice bumper stickers to the need of her heart. But even after she became a Christian, she ran into this phenomenon in various churches. When her husband was the guest speaker at a church and she was getting out of the car holding one of her children while the other was asleep in the car seat, a man said to he, “So, is it chic for white women to adopt black kids these days?” After asking him if he was a Christian, she said, “So, did God save you because it was chic?” When her husband started pastoring a small church plant made up mostly of college students, families would come for a month or so and then leave because of a “lack of fellowship” with people just like themselves. I could step on a small soapbox here: I get so discouraged when people within the same church only want to fellowship with people just like themselves — same age bracket, some marital or parental status, same way of educating or disciplining children, etc., etc.

If I shared everything else I marked, I’d be nearly rewriting the book here, so I can’t do that. But here are just a few more things that grabbed me:

“Since all major U. S. universities had Christian roots, too many Christians thought that they could rest in Christian tradition, not Christian relevance” (p. 7).

“When we read in the book of Romans, “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose” (8:28), we are not to be Pollyanna about this. Many of the ‘things’ we will face come with the razor edges of a fallen and broken world. You can’t play poker with God’s mercy – if you want the sweet mercy then you must also swallow the bitter mercy. And what is the difference between sweet and bitter? Only this: your critical perspective, your worldview. One of God’s greatest gifts is the ability to see and appreciate the world from points of view foreign to your own, points of view that exceed your personal experience”  (p. 125).

“Many people in our community protect themselves from inconvenience as though inconvenience is deadly. We have decided that we are not inconvenienced by inconvenience. The needs of children come up unexpectedly. We are sure that the Good Samaritan had other plans that fateful day. Our plans are not sacred” (p. 126).

When a teenage girl in foster care with mental illness heard a pastor speaking about God’s call, afterward she “approached Pastor Steve and said, ‘Steve, I hear voices all the time. How do I know the difference between hearing the voice of God and hearing the voices of my own sick mind?’ Pastor Steve said, ‘Dear one, we all have the check the voices of our own sick mind with the Bible. Daily. You are no different’” (p. 128).

One thought that came to mind while reading the book was, “Why don’t we see this happening more often?” If the gospel is the power of God unto salvation, and it is, then why don’t we see such transformative conversions more often, and why are those raised in Christian culture often so anemic? Sometimes I long with the Psalmist “To see thy power and thy glory, so as I have seen thee in the sanctuary” (Psalm 63:2). Is it because we don’t share the gospel in a kind and loving way enough? Or is it because not many people are truly willing to examine the claims of the Bible and bring themselves under its authority? Maybe both. I’ve seen online encounters where non-Christians have as much of a “smackdown” way of encountering Christians as Christians do encountering them. I know I would have been scared to death to engage someone like Rosaria before she was saved: I’d have been afraid that I wouldn’t be able to answer her questions and she’d be able to run rings around me with her reasoning ability. But I have to remind myself that those whom God brought across her path with just the right thing to say at the right time were operating under the leadership of the Holy Spirit, not their own wisdom and insight. Sometimes we look for a formula: we see articles or pamphlets about “How to witness to atheists” or whomever else, and those can have some helpful points, but we can’t memorize a script and then present it to people. We need to share a Person and show His love to others and trust Him for the right words to say and pray for His working in hearts.

Rosaria writes now from a Reformed Presbyterian perspective, and since I am not from that perspective, I’d disagree with a few minor points here and there, but I am not going to nitpick about them. I do believe Christians can agree on the big issues and agree to disagree about smaller ones.

There is a condensed version of her testimony here, but I do encourage you to read the book as well. I believe it’s going to go down as one of my top ten of the year.

(This will also be linked to Semicolon‘s Saturday Review of Books.)

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Sanctity of Life

I didn’t realize until earlier today that today is Sanctity of Life Sunday, but I didn’t want to let the day end without saying something about it.

As a Christian I believe God is the author of life, and He says he knew us even in the womb.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you; I have appointed you a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5

For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me,
    when as yet there was none of them.
Psalm 139:13-16

This column, On abortion, it’s best to err on the side of life, makes the point that if there is any chance at all that the unborn fetus is a real human life, then it is best to treat it as such. I would think that even non-Christian people could see that. But apparently they don’t.

I saw this going around Facebook:

“Each day, 2,150 women wake up in America believing abortion is the only realistic solution to an unplanned pregnancy” (care-net.org).
God brought Norma out of darkness and into His marvelous light.
Many women are still sitting in the darkness; will you help them see the light of the world?
We win by showing love, compassion, and mercy to one frightened woman at a time.

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An adoption story

I mentioned yesterday that I wanted to share how adoption has impacted our family. I can’t share all the details. I don’t know all of them, but its not primarily my story to tell, so I will only share what I feel all involved would not mind others reading about.

One of my younger sisters left home just after graduating from high school and moved to another town with her best friend. The friend’s brother and my sister became boyfriend and girlfriend, and within about a year my sister became pregnant. She and her boyfriend were not ready to be married and become parents: I can’t remember if they broke up before or after she found out she was pregnant, but either way, it became awkward for my sister to remain where she was, so she came home.

My mother and sister began meeting with an adoption agency, and though all felt this was the right course of action for several reasons, it still shook us all up to think that we would have a family member that we were about to launch out into the unknown without knowing what would become of them and whether we would ever see or hear from them again. I can remember lying in bed at night just aching over the idea and praying for God’s leading in who should adopt this child.

I wrestled with the whole idea of adoption realistically for the first time. The only Biblical instances I could think of where someone willingly gave their child up to another were Hannah and Samuel, Moses and his mother, and one of the women who came before Solomon, whose desire that her child be given to the other rather than killed proved her motherhood. In a way you could count Jesus who was given by God into Joseph and Mary’s care. All of those were very different situations than what we were dealing with. I wondered if it would be better for pregnant young women to take responsibility for their actions by keeping the child (theoretically…it was not my decision to make and my opinion was not asked for, but I was just thinking through the whole issue.) But all things considered, it seemed like what would be best for the child in this instance was to place her in a loving home where she could receive what my sister could not give at the time.

One day during this time we had a piece of furniture that someone gave us when they moved, and I was thinking of trying to reupholster it. I had never done that kind of thing before, but I went to an upholstery shop nearby just to look around. I ran into a former coworker who now worked at this shop, and we chatted for a bit, catching up with each other. She and her husband had been married for several years and had no children and were now considering adoption. I said something like, “That’s interesting – I have a sister who is placing her baby for adoption.” We talked about it a bit, and one of us said something like, “Wouldn’t it be neat if it could work out for you to adopt her baby!”

Some time later – I don’t remember if it was a few hours, days, or weeks – she called me and asked, “Do you think there is any possibility that it could work out?”

I didn’t know, but the first step was to call my mom and sister and see what they thought. Everyone considered the idea and all agreed that they would much rather know who the child would be going to and know that she was well taken care of than to be in the dark about how she was doing.

I’m fuzzy on the details since this was over 20 years ago, but my friend and her husband and my husband and I met with a Christian lawyer to discuss all the details and what would need to be done. We met with our doctor, also a Christian, to explain the situation and ask if he would deliver my sister’s child. The adoptive family planned to pay my sister’s medical expenses. Then we had to get my very pregnant sister from TX to SC, hopefully without delivering a baby en route (my husband did ask the doctor what to do in that event just in case). We drove out to get her, visited a while with my family, and then drove back.

I think it was only a few days later that my sister went into labor, and I took her to the hospital. Thankfully she was able to labor in the small hospital on the Christian college campus where my husband and I had graduated, so it was warm and cozy rather than big and busy (at least it seemed that way to me, maybe because I knew the place and had had my own son there. It all may still have seemed intimidating to my sister.) I was able to be with her during labor and delivery and “coach” her. I don’t remember if she had had any childbirth classes before she came, but I tried my best to help with both what I had learned in my class and from my own experience.

She delivered a beautiful baby girl. She was able to hold her then and for the day or two she was in the hospital. I can’t remember if the adoptive parents were in the hospital during delivery or if they came shortly after.

The nurses, familiar with the situation, were concerned that my sister did not seem upset: she seemed as happy as any other mother of a newborn. It’s understandable that she would be happy. Maybe the full realization of giving her away just hadn’t hit her yet, maybe she was just savoring the time she had with her daughter, maybe, like me, she preferred to do her crying and soul-searching privately.

I happened to be with her when the lawyer came to her room for her to sign the papers to place her baby for adoption. Unfortunately it was not the same lawyer we had met with but another one from his firm, and this one had all the warmth of doorknob. He basically just handed her the papers: I don’t remember but he must have given some kind of explanation or instruction. He and I and a nurse who was there as a witness just stood around waiting. As my sister read the papers, that’s when realization hit, and that’s when the tears came. The hardest part was the word “abandon,” which appeared several times in the document. I wish like everything I had asked them to wait outside while she read them or obtained a copy of them beforehand so she wasn’t dealing having to read and process them for the first time with strangers in the room.

Finally she did sign the papers, and the lawyer and nurse left. I don’t remember what we said. I think I remember sitting with my arm around her shoulders for a time.

The days afterward are a blur. I know we brought my sister home and she stayed with us some months. She eventually found a job, moved out on her own, married, and had another daughter. I don’t know how she dealt with processing everything: when I tried to talk to her, she’d insist she was fine. Another regret I have from this time is that I wish I had taken her to a crisis pregnancy center for counseling. We have a marvelous Christian one here in TN which provides a variety of services. But I don’t know what would have been available then: as I said, this was new to all of us.

Some of us wrote letters for this new little one and gave them to the adoptive parents to share with her when they felt it was best.

Since we all lived in the same town and knew who each other was, it was inevitable that we would run into each other from time to time. The adoptive parents wanted everything to remain open, partly because the father had been abandoned as a child and knew that pain of a child always wondering what had become of his parents and why they had left him. They would sometimes come into the store where my sister worked and say hello (they wouldn’t come just for that reason, I don’t think — it was a store everyone went to). I don’t know if my sister found it helpful or hard. Personally I found it helpful to see them. My niece went to the same school as my boys, so we’d run into the parents at school functions sometimes. Another thing I’d do differently would have been to sit down and talk with the adoptive parents and say something like, “We feel you are in charge here and we don’t want to intrude, so we want you to take the lead in how much we interact. Do you want us to send birthday greetings and see you from time to time, or would you be more comfortable if we held back?” Because we didn’t know exactly what we should do, it was awkward sometimes, and we tended to hold back so as not to intrude on their family life but hoped it wouldn’t be interpreted as a lack of interest.

The adoptive parents told their daughter from the very first that she was adopted,and I think that is very wise. Revealing it when she became older would have caused much more emotional angst, I think. She knew who we were. She seemed delighted over her boy cousins when we’d see each other.

When she was maybe about 10 or so, my folks were coming to town and wanted to meet the family, so we all met at a restaurant. My niece always seemed happy to see us. When my sister had her second daughter, my first niece was thrilled to have a sister. As my second niece grew up, my first niece and her mom would often be invited to the second niece’s birthday celebrations. After my first niece married and had her own home, she interacted with my sister much more, and now we’re all in touch and interactive on Facebook and such. It is a joy to my sister that her first daughter is a regular part of her life now.

For us an open adoption worked out well. It was nice to be able to see and know that she was well taken care of and thriving, even if things were a bit awkward sometimes. I think if we hadn’t known where she was and who she was with, it would have been like an open wound that couldn’t heal, an ache that would not go away, a cloud always overhead. But I do understand that for some people, seeing a child they had placed for adoption yet not being able to have her would be an open wound.

When a woman becomes pregnant outside of marriage, the decisions she has to make are never easy no matter which way she goes. I say this gently, but I feel it must be said: sexual activity outside of marriage is sin, and though sin can be forgiven, it has painful and difficult consequences. But even though there is pain with placing a baby for adoption, it is a zillion times better than the pain of abortion. I found somewhere online this table from Bethany Christian services:

Similarities
Adoption	Abortion
You can pursue earlier goals	You can pursue earlier goals
You can live independently	You can live independently
You will not have to parent prematurely	You will not have to parent prematurely
You will avoid being forced into a hasty marriage or relationship	You will avoid being forced into a hasty marriage or relationship
If you are a teenager, you can resume your youthful lifestyle	If you are a teenager you can resume your youthful lifestyle
Note: There are no similarities between parenting and abortion. One important similarity between adoption and parenting is that you can give life to your child and watch your child grow up.
Differences
Adoption	Abortion
Your pregnancy ends with giving life	Your pregnancy ends with death
You can feel good and positive about your choice	You may feel guilt and shame about your choice
You will remember giving birth	You will remember taking a life
You will have plenty of time to plan you and your baby’s future	Abortion is final; you can’t go back on your decision
You can hold, name, and love your baby	You will never know or treasure your baby
You can have continued contact with your baby	You will miss the opportunity to see your child develop

(Bethany Christian Services)

Abortion does not just solve the problem of an unwanted pregnancy: it snuffs out a life and creates more problems. I would urge anyone with an unwanted pregnancy to seek out a Christian crisis pregnancy service and see what options you have. Placing your baby for adoption may be hard, but it will be a beautiful gift not only to your little one but also to parents who are longing for a child of their own.

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Thoughts about the election

After yesterday’s election, of course several thoughts are floating around my mind. I had another post planned for today but decided I’d pin some of these thoughts down.

1. Though I am disappointed in the presidential election results, “the powers that be are ordained of God” ~ Romans 1:13b. “[God] changeth the times and the seasons: he removeth kings, and setteth up kings” ~Daniel 2:21. If that is true for kings, I am sure it is true for other leaders. For reasons only He knows, He has allowed this administration to continue for another term. That doesn’t mean He approves of everything it does.

2. I think conservative Christians are more watchful and prayerful when someone is voted in with whom we have strong disagreements. When someone is voted in whose views are more in line with ours, we tend to sit back and relax.

3. Though I disagree with many of the president’s views and policies, I am instructed to be subject to him (unless his requirements violate Scripture) and to pray for him. These instructions were written while under a leadership much worse than anything we have ever seen in this country.

4. As I mentioned yesterday, government cannot change a human heart. Only God can do that. Many of the underlying issues affecting governmental policy (and the choices people make to vote for such policies) are a matter of heart. We need to be about the Father’s business of trying to lovingly lead people to Him and disciple them by teaching His Word.

5. The talking heads analyzing the election last night made the point that for conservatives to win office, they need to be more “electable,” and that would mean compromise. Compromise can be a good thing in some instances, a  bad thing in others. The type of compromises they are talking about are probably going to be the ones conservative Christians would be most opposed to. The fact that there are more people voting for those policies than against them, and the pressure will be on to compromise in those areas, highlights even more the need for us to be the salt and light we should be.

6. Government cannot meet all my needs or take care of all my responsibilities.

I do have some different posts planned: November is National Adoption Month, and I have at least a couple in relation to that, and I’ve finished some books I want to discuss. I’m looking forward to moving on and sharing some of these things in the days ahead.

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Praying and voting

Our ultimate hope and need is not in a certain political leader. “It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man. It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in princes.” (Psalm 118:8-9).

Ultimately the only hope for change in a country is in change in the human heart, and that can only be effected by God, not government.

But though our hope is not in leaders, God uses them to accomplish His purposes. We have in this country the privilege of voting for our leaders. Not every country in every time has been able to do this, and I don’t see how we can take this responsibility lightly or ignore it. Neither candidate is my ideal choice, but one clearly edges out the other in the issues of highest importance to me.

So I urge folks to vote their conscience as well as to pray for our country, its leaders, and its people.

Here are a few other thoughts on the election, more thorough and eloquent than mine:

Thinking about the election from a Biblical point of view.

Conscience, Christ, and the ballot box.

Election.

Notes on the election for believers.

A Prayer for America on Election Day. (Mohler)

I am going to vote (Piper).

A prayer for the election (Piper).

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Discernment

I was dismayed recently, when reading through the comments on a somewhat controversial blog post, to see that when one commenter tried to bring the Scriptures to bear on the topic, he was called legalistic and judgmental (and this by other professing Christians.)

Conversely, the Bible says the Bereans “were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so” (Acts 17:10). Searching through the Scripture to see if what was being said lined up with what was there was considered a noble thing.

A couple of nights ago, the evening reading from Daily Light on the Daily Path contained several verses on this topic:

The ear trieth words, as the mouth tasteth meat. Job 34:3

Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world. I John 4:1

Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment. John 7:24

I speak as to wise men; judge ye what I say. I Corinthians 10:15.

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom. Colossians 3:16a

He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith. Revelation 2:29

He that is spiritual judgeth all things. I Corinthians 2:15a

Take heed what ye hear. Mark 4:24a

I know thy works, … and how thou hast tried them which say they are apostles, and are not, and hast found them liars. Revelation 2:2

Prove all things; hold fast that which is good. I Thessalonians 5:21

Several of those verses that speak of judging. Someone might say, “Whoa, wait a minute…I thought we weren’t supposed to judge.” That’s one of the most misunderstood concepts from the Bible. We’re not supposed to judge in the sense of condemning someone on the assumption that we know what what their motives are, condemning someone’s actions that might be different from ours when there is not a Scriptural principle involved, acting as if we’re superior in some way, etc. But to exercise discernment, to judge whether this or that statement or action is in line with Scripture (especially when the one saying or doing says it is but seems to be a little off-base) is another thing entirely.

According to a Greek lexicon the word used for “judgeth” in Acts 17:11 and I Cor. 2:14-15 quoted above means:

examine or judge

1. to investigate, examine, enquire into, scrutinise, sift, question
   1. specifically in a forensic sense of a judge to hold an investigation
   2. to interrogate, examine the accused or witnesses
2. to judge of, estimate, determine (the excellence or defects of any person or thing

I’ve linked back to some of the other definitions in the verses themselves so as not to be too lengthy here.

Sometimes what another person advocates won’t seem major, but as one pastor put it, if you’re taking a trip and start off on the right path, and then turn just ten degrees the wrong direction, it won’t look like a big difference at first, but if you keep going you’ll find yourself way off course.

Of course, there are some areas where Christians can have differences of opinion and practice, where the Bible doesn’t speak directly or in clear principle, and we should allow each other the grace to do so (Romans 14). But many today are taking Christian liberty to mean “I can do whatever I want and other Christians shouldn’t judge me for it,” when Romans 14 teaches the exact opposite, the reigning in of one’s freedom so as not to cause others to stumble. And even the premise there is wrong: we’re not free to do “whatever we want” as Christians.

I was stunned recently when a blogger I read and love linked to another’s post advocating a certain position that is controversial in the church today, and the author of this post effectively swept away all the New Testament arguments against her position by saying the N. T. is about attitudes rather than rules. That should raise a number of red flags to any discerning reader.

The Bible has many warnings against false prophets. Paul warns that it is not just those from the outside, but even some from within the church will lead some astray: “ For I know this, that after my departing shall grievous wolves enter in among you, not sparing the flock. Also of your own selves shall men arise, speaking perverse things, to draw away disciples after them” (Acts 20: 29-30). But he goes on to say in v. 30, “And now, brethren, I commend you to God, and to the word of his grace, which is able to build you up, and to give you an inheritance among all them which are sanctified.”

Soak in the Word of God. Hold it to a higher esteem than anyone else’s words. “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom” Colossians 3:16a.

For more on this topic, see also:

Tension.
Controversies.
Analyzing vs. criticizing.
Just what does “judge not” mean, anyway?
Does niceness really matter?
Doctrine.

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The real problem with Facebook

From time to time I see articles or blog posts saying there is a downside to Facebook in that it can make us depressed or at least miserable. Why? Because everyone’s life supposedly seems happier than ours.

I don’t know about anyone else’s Facebook experience, but mine is a wide variety, People post funny observations, family news, interesting quotes or links to articles they’ve found valuable. Some use it to vent frustrations. Some post hymns or Scripture or prayer requests: one friend who was in the hospital Easter day said the songs, quotes, and Scriptures everyone shared were a help to her as she missed being in church that day.

But even if it were true that people felt miserable because everyone else on Facebook had more or better “stuff,” more friends, seemed happier, got more comments or “likes,” may I humbly suggest that the problem isn’t Facebook? The problem is in our own hearts.

The Bible tells us to rejoice with those who rejoice. If someone got a new job or house or whatever, good for them!

Same with someone who seems to have more friends. “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24). If you want more friends, take the initiative and be friendly to others. And I don’t say that lightly: I’ve always been shy and introverted and had a hard time initiating friendships. But though it is hard, it is not impossible. Sometimes we have to extend ourselves beyond our comfort zones.

If people only seem to post “happy thoughts,” know that they do have their down times as well as anyone else. Be glad, in fact, that they don’t post every little mundane thing. I had one FB friend who did that and I had to adjust which of her posts I saw because I was being flooded with her plans for the day, itinerary, what she was making for dinner, etc., etc., several times a day.

Whatever gifts, talents, or possessions we have, someone else is always going to have more or better. The Bible does warn us about envy, calling it a mark of carnality. It also warns us about comparing ourselves with each other.

These reactions aren’t new or exclusive to Facebook, of course. Facebook is just a microcosm of how people think and react. One of my closest early married friends used to constantly compare herself unfavorably to others. She thought her home, her clothes, everything, in her eyes, was less nice than other people’s. That’s not really humility. It can be a symptom of discontentment. I don’t know what it was in her case, but I am fairly sure that no one else looked on her that way. She was generally thought of as a sweet, warm, creative person. We were all in a state of “early-married poverty,” as I call it, and none of us had  heaps of nice things. But even if one of us had…that’s between them and the Lord. If He allowed them those things, then they’re stewards of them. And even if other people do actually flaunt what they have, that’s a problem in their hearts and shouldn’t be a problem in ours.

Besides feeling that other people have more or nicer things, sometimes we feel other people accomplish so much more than we do. I had trouble with that with another close early-married friend. We were both married with a child or two. But she worked part-time, was active in various church ministries, sewed for her family and home, her house was not only clean every time I was there but nicely decorated. Meanwhile I felt like I was fighting to keep my ahead above water. Often I asked myself how she did it and why I couldn’t. Once her family had ours over for dinner. I don’t know if she sat still more than five minutes at a time: she was constantly up and down, getting something, doing something with the children, doing a little here or there. I thought, if that’s what it takes to get as much done as she does, not only would I never be in her league, but I didn’t want to be. Honestly, as a guest I would much rather have had her sit down and visit with me: it was not a very restful visit to have the hostess constantly on the move. I’m not condemning her: I just realized we were very different personalities, and that was okay. No one was comparing me to her or thinking I should be like her except me, and I learned to stop it. There was much I could learn from her, but I didn’t need to try to be just like her or beat myself up because I wasn’t.

Another time when I learned that a man who had been a younger college classmate a couple of decades ago was about to become a college president, at first all I could think was, “Wow. A college president, and he’s younger than I am. So what have I been doing with my life?” Well, I was raising children, keeping my home, ministering in various ways. Our callings were different from each other, neither necessarily better than the other in themselves.

If we’re doing what God wants us to do, we don’t need to feel inferior to anyone else, and we need to stop being preoccupied with comparing ourselves to others. If someone else accomplishes more because they’re more diligent, better managers of their time and efforts., etc., we can learn from them and be inspired  to make whatever changes we need to, but we don’t need to sit in a corner feeling sorry for ourselves.

If Facebook truly makes someone miserable for these reasons, perhaps it would be best to give it up. But a better approach might be to go to it without comparing ourselves and our status to anyone, seeking to be a blessing to others, grateful for and content with the gifts and life God has given.

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“To open their eyes, and to turn them from darkness to light”

A couple of weeks ago I came across an article that horrified me titled “After-birth Abortion: Why Should the Baby Live?” in the Journal of Medical Ethics. Two authors promoted the proposition that babies could be killed during their first few days of life using the same reasoning as that used to justify abortions.

They use such chilling statements as:

“Fetuses and newborns do not have the same moral status as actual persons.”

“We claim that killing a newborn could be ethically permissible in all the circumstances where abortion would be.”

“The moral status of an infant is equivalent to that of a fetus, that is, neither can be considered a ‘person’ in a morally relevant sense.”

“It is not possible to damage a newborn by preventing her from developing the potentiality to become a person in the morally relevant sense.”

“Failing to bring a new person into existence cannot be compared with the wrong caused by procuring the death of an existing person. The reason is that, unlike the case of death of an existing person, failing to bring a new person into existence does not prevent anyone from accomplishing any of her future aims.” Note that they are not talking about failing to bring a new person into existence in the sense of deciding whether or not to have a baby or whether to use contraceptives: they are saying that a newborn is a potential person rather than an actual person and therefore it is not wrong to kill it.

 They want to call it “after-birth abortion” rather than infanticide.

As Carrie said here, though this is horrifying, it shouldn’t be surprising. We had been warned for years that if people started justifying abortion in their thinking, it wouldn’t take long before such devaluation of life spread to increased euthanasia and now newborns. According to this article, one of the authors once gave a talk at Oxford titled, “What is the problem with euthanasia?” No wonder he has no problem with killing babies. I can’t fathom a career in encouraging the taking of life that he deems not worthy.

And that’s one of the problems. The main problem, of course, is the intrinsic devaluation of life. The second is that, once a society decides it’s okay to take a life, then whose standards and morals will decide such a thing? How many people have lived with serious health issues who would not have wanted their life snuffed out just because someone else didn’t think their quality of life was good enough?

The deadline for my next newspaper column was coming up just three days after I read this article. Normally I like to have a column mostly ready a week or two before it is due, and then every time I look at it, I think of better ways to say something, something to include, something to cut out, etc. I had two other columns nearly ready and was trying to decide which one to use when I saw this article. The more I thought about it, the more I felt I really wanted to address this in a column. It would probably have been a better column if I had waited til my next turn, but that’s six weeks away, and I really wanted to address this while the original article was still fairly recent. So this is what I finally came up with.

I received a few supportive comments and e-mails, but as you can imagine, some of the comments were quite vicious. All that some could see is that I am against abortion, and they unleashed all their animosity against the whole pro-life movement. I knew to expect some negative reaction, but I can’t say it didn’t hurt, especially when they extrapolate that since I said this I must mean that and get into name-calling, etc. I tried to answer some of them, but it’s clear there is no reasoning with some of them.

And that raises another issue. How do we talk to these people? I don’t think Christians are the only ones who are pro-life, though our conviction that life is a gift of God is the foundation of our beliefs. But it seems even thinking, reasonable people who might not be Christians could see the fallacies of abortion, euthanasia, and killing infants.

Years ago our former pastor’s wife mentioned Romans 1:28 in a class: “Even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient.” I used to think “reprobate” meant a really bad sinner. But she explained it meant “unable to make sound judgement.” Other version use “depraved” or “debased.”

Though I believe it is right to speak out and take a stand on issues, ultimately what people need is a new heart. Even if they have a right position on abortion and related issues, what affects their standing with God is what they do with Christ. And none of us can “think right” without Him. How we need to pray for Him “to open their eyes, and to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith” (Acts 26:18).

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Book Review: Words

Words by Ginny Yttrup came highly recommended by Quilly, (and maybe one or two others whom I can’t remember) and her review as well as the first few paragraphs she had posted from the book drew me in immediately.

I was going to say this at the end but thought perhaps since some of you might feel the same way that I should say at the beginning that normally I would not pick up a book which has abuse a big factor because it would either make me very angry or very sad (or both), and because some books sensationalize it. But Ginny does not sensationalize: unfortunately she speaks from sad and all too real experience, yet her book is as much about healing as it is abuse.

Ten year old Kaylee has lost her words, her voice: she hasn’t been able to speak since her mom left, abandoning her to the care of the mom’s boyfriend — though you could hardly call it “care.” The boyfriend, Jack, not only neglects to take care of Kaylee, but he does unspeakable things to her. Kaylee stays because she has nowhere else to go, no resources, no help, but also she wants to be there in case her mom comes back. Meanwhile, she takes refuge in a dictionary that belonged to her mother, savoring words and their meanings and storing them up in her mind.

Sierra is a woman in her thirties who cannot forgive herself for a wayward period in her past that caused great pain to her family and the loss of her daughter’s life twelve years earlier. She tries to bury the pain that is too raw to bring to light and expresses herself in her art, but those who love her worry that she’s going to crack if she continues to keep her emotions inside. Though she has amended her ways, she has not returned to the God of her childhood.

God brings Kaylee and Sierra together in their vulnerability and works in and through each of them to bring healing through the Word, Jesus Christ.

It’s hard to believe this is Ginny’s first novel: she does a masterful job not only telling the story in a compelling but not maudlin way but also in layering various subtexts throughout the plot. The book is riveting, hard to put down, eloquent, and full of depth.

I especially appreciated one section in which Sierra realizes that oft-misapplied John 8:32 (“And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”) isn’t just referring to telling personal truth, but to the fact that Jesus is the truth that heals and frees us.

This book is one of my favorites read this year, and I can’t recommend it highly enough.

Here is the book trailer:

And a short interview with the author:

(This review will also be linked to Semicolon‘s Saturday Review of Books.)

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Laudable Linkage and Fun Videos

Here are a few things that stood out to me online this week:

Filling my home with the unseen, HT to Lizzie. Both the photos and the sentiments are lovely.

Pray to BLESS. I’ve heard and read a number of acronyms as a help to prayer, but I had never come across this one before. Very helpful.

The New Evangelical Virtues. Tim Challies masterfully discusses “characteristics that seem to pass as virtues today…doubt, opaqueness, and an emphasis on asking rather than answering questions.” “Humility is not found in doubting what is true, but in believing that what God says is true is true indeed.”

Spring Cleaning Your Facebook Account. No, not a discussion of purging your “Friends” list, but rather helpful questions to check our hearts. It’s not that the technology is bad, but what’s in our hearts is going to reveal itself even there.

Why Books Still Matter.

I almost labeled this “Luggage Inspectors,” but I didn’t want to be snarky. Let’s just say don’t leave a parked car where there are monkeys:

This is amazing. I could never do this — not only because I can’t play music, but I’m sure I would knock over more than one glass.

Happy Saturday!

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