The first time my husband was ever away overnight, I was a basket case. I thought I heard something in the leaves outside and frantically called my landlord, who patiently came over and checked the outside of the house for me. If I had to leave home while my husband was away, when I came back I wouldn’t feel comfortable until I checked every room and even every closet to make sure no one was lurking there.
Over the last thirty years, I have had to get used to him being away from home much more than either of us likes. Thankfully that’s not been as much of a problem since our last move.
Other ladies have sometimes commented to me that they could never handle having a husband travel as much as mine did. Believe me, I didn’t like it! And at the beginning of my married life, I would have despaired if I had known just how much my husband would be away. It is only the grace of God that has enabled me. I would like to share some things He has taught me along the way.
Acceptance
I used to pray that my husband would not have to travel as much. More correctly, I used to whimper and wail and and whine and tell the Lord it wasn’t meant to be this way, that husbands and wives were meant to be together. It seemed like the more I prayed, the more my husband ended up having to travel!
Of course, it isn’t wrong to pray that the Lord would change a difficult situation; but until He sees fit to do so, there has to be acceptance of the situation as allowed by Him. If He allows it, He will give grace for it. We may not like the situation, but focusing on that dislike can cause us to be stuck in discontent, resentment, even despondency.
Loneliness
Women marry for love, of course, but I believe the next biggest reason is companionship. Girls dream of finally being able to “be with” the man of their dreams “happily ever after.” It is a difficult adjustment to realize that the job, the children, and multitudes of tasks and commitments leave very little time to just “be with” each other. This is further compounded when a husband’s job requires him to travel.
While husbands and wives do need to be sure they make time for each other, most wives also have to realize at some point that their primary emotional and companionship needs are not to be fulfilled by their husbands. God has to have first place in those areas. No human being will ever be able to meet all of those needs all of the time. God does graciously give us husbands and friends, but our main fellowship and contentment must be from Him.
Once settled on that point, it is necessary for couples to keep in touch. I am thankful that my husband has been able to call me almost every night he has been away: in fact, sometimes we actually talk more when he is away than when he is home! For situations that don’t allow that, though, perhaps e-mailing or frequent notes would help.
A husband’s absence is a good time to focus on others, perhaps visiting an elderly neighbor or calling a girlfriend. Keeping busy, taking up a special project, or having specific goals of things you want to accomplish while he’s away can help pass the time.
Fear
One of the biggest things I have wrestled with when my husband was away was fear, though I don’t check closets when I come home any more (after 30 years of marriage and three children, there is no room in any closet for anyone to lurk anyway!) And once after checking locks and closets before going to bed one night, I woke up the next morning to find I had left my keys in the doorknob! All my efforts amounted to nothing, but God protected me anyway.
Originally the fears had to do with someone breaking in, but then I developed a couple of health problems which have required five emergency room visits between them; so new fears developed about the possibility of something happening to me when my husband was away. The Lord has dealt with me and helped me from His Word many, many times in regard to fear. Though He uses husbands to protect us, ultimately our protection is from Him. One moment that crystallized that truth for me occurred when I was lying in bed and realized that even if my husband was right next to me, I could fall ill or even die, and he would not be able to do anything about it. Now, that may not sound like much comfort! But it helped me realize as never before that my health and safety are of the Lord, not my husband.
Incidentally, God did allow one of those emergency room visits when my husband was away. When I needed to go, I was able to call a friend who was nearby, who also graciously stayed with me til the early hours of the morning when I was released. My oldest son was old enough at the time to watch the other two; my youngest was already asleep, so he was spared being frightened by the situation. My friend’s husband offered to come and stay with the children. Another friend called while I was at the hospital, and, upon learning of the situation, offered to come over or to come and take the kids to school the next day. God took care of every detail.
Children
I think perhaps a mother with young children at home has the hardest time with a husband’s absence. She looks to him not only for a little relief in giving the children care and attention, but also for adult conversation. When he is away, perhaps trading off babysitting time with another friend would help, or little excursions like going to the park or even for a walk with another friend.
A mother also needs to keep things consistent even when Dad is away. Standards and punishments should be the same: nothing should “slide” when Dad isn’t there. “Wait until your father gets home” doesn’t work when Dad won’t be home for three days and Junior is young enough to need immediate dealing with to reinforce the principles you want him to learn. I am about the most indecisive person I know, and so many situations come when my husband isn’t there that I have really wrestled with knowing what to do. When I can, I wait until I can talk with my husband; but God does promise wisdom when we ask Him for it, and He has given it many times.
It can be easy for Mom to spend even less time with the children when Dad is away, either because there is just more to do with one less person in the house to do it, or because she is keeping extra-busy to keep her mind off his absence. Depending on the children’s ages, perhaps Mom can do some fun things with them to help them with their loneliness while Dad is away: play games, read together more, rent a special video. In our case, there is a nearby pizza restaurant that my husband doesn’t care for but my children love, so sometimes we’ll stop there for a meal when Dad’s gone. This relieves another problem: it used to be that, when my husband was gone for several days, I would be ready to get out of the house and go out somewhere when he came back. He, on the other hand, having been away and eating out for days, was ready to stay home and have a home-cooked meal. So now I try to take the children out if Dad is away for an extended time so we get that out of our system before he comes home. There are also some very simple meals that my children love that my husband isn’t crazy about that we have when he is gone.
Danger zones
Every individual has his or her quirks that make for adjustments in marriage. When one spouse is away, sometimes those adjustments have to be made to some degree all over again when he returns.
We have to be careful not to let resentment build up against our loved one. We need to guard against stray thoughts that can lead to a root of bitterness: “He could have gotten out of that trip if he tried.” We may feel that is actually true. Or, “Why doesn’t he find a different job where he doesn’t have to travel so much?” We have to help our children with disappointments when Dad can’t be there for the big game or the recital. Life doesn’t always work out like the family movies where Dad leaves his company in the lurch to get home at a crucial time. We may wish it did. We, or the children, may not understand why Dad could not be there for the special occasion. It is hard, but we have to accept it and not resent it or him. Beyond just trying to “grin and bear it,” perhaps we can think of fun ways to include Dad in special occasions he has to miss: a video recording of the event (possibly even styled as a news report), or an e-mail write-up including a picture.
Though naturally we will be lonely and maybe even tearful when a spouse is away, we have to be careful not to just give ourselves over to grief and pine away the whole time he is gone. On the opposite end of the spectrum, when we realize we’re not to be so emotionally dependent on our husbands, we can tend to pull back a little too far and become almost aloof in an effort to insulate ourselves from loneliness, or we can get so busy that we’re hardly aware he is gone — and then hardly have time for him when he is home. Our Lord can help us find the right balance.
A friend once told me it was easy for her to get a little too independent when her husband was away for a long time. Though we have to make decisions and direct the family when he is away, we need to remember we are still in submission to him and try to make decisions in light of what we think he would want us to do — and not resent a possible reversal of that decision when he comes home. Once when my husband arrived back at home, one of my sons was due to attend an event soon. My son was displaying a bad attitude, and my husband told him he would not be able to attend that event if he didn’t change his attitude. Immediately I began to think, “That’s not fair! You haven’t been here; you don’t know the circumstances; you don’t know how he has been looking forward to that event!” But I had to rebuke myself, because my son was sinning with his attitude, and even though I would have handled the situation differently, my husband was still in charge. Happily, my son changed his attitude and was able to attend his event, and happily, the Lord set a watch before my lips and prevented me from creating an even bigger problem!
Pray for him
Once when my husband was out of town with a colleague, they stopped to eat dinner. Some time during their conversation, the other man noticed two girls and said, “There are two chicks just ripe for the picking.” My husband explained that he wasn’t interested in pursuing women. That incident jolted me to the realization that I needed to pray for his protection from temptation.
Pray also for his witness. People in secular jobs have an opening with folks who would be unlikely to darken the door of a church, and long hours of travel with a colleague can naturally open the door to talk about the Lord.
Of course, it is natural to pray for his safety, but we can also pray for his health (our family has learned from experience that falling sick while traveling is a trial!), for his business, meetings, etc. to go well.
Conclusion
Some years ago my pastor preached through a section of the Psalms that men sang on their way to Jerusalem. There were a few times a year men were called to go to Jerusalem, leaving their families behind, and those particular psalms were sung by the men on the way. My pastor pointed out the faith it took to go away, trusting God to take care of the loved ones back home. My thoughts, as the “loved one at home,” considered the situation from that angle, trusting the Lord to take care of us at home as well as the loved one on the road. That sermon also helped me realize that, in the providence pf God, He sometimes does call a husband to be away: it isn’t just circumstances or the job. That helped me immensely to trust that He had all things under His control, and to trust that Him for the sufficient grace He promises in His Word for all things: “And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work,” (II Cor. 9:8) and “He said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.” (II Cor. 12:9.10)
This post will be linked to “Works For Me Wednesday,” where you can find a plethora of helpful hints each week at We Are THAT family on Wednesdays, as well as Women Living Well.
I think I just need to bookmark this post.
Jonathan had to leave on business for a week when I was pregnant with our first. It was the first time he’d had to go away and I H-A-T-E-D it and had a perfectly miserable time of things. Fear. Anxiousness. Anger that he had to be away. Check, check, check!
He’s only been gone one other time and that was much easier (it was just one night!) but still hard.
I greatly dislike the idea of him traveling away and I didn’t much enjoy going to BEA last year in part because it meant a separation. (At least I was the one on the move though which made it easier!) Still. I like being together. For the reasons you mentioned.
Another great post with great advice and if I should have to face the situation again, you can bet I’ll be re-reading this post! More than once!
Oh my! I so relate to this! You have done an excellent job summarizing all the things that go on in our hearts and heads when our husbands travel. I’ll return to this. This is one of those bedrock posts that will minister to many. Thanks, Barbara.
I wish I didn’t need this post so much! But this is lovely; I’ll need to save it for later when I need it!
This is a great post, Barbara! I used to be a basket case when my husband was away too, but a dear friend helped me overcome that when he was in the military and had to be gone several times a year (praise God he was never deployed or had to go on an unaccompanied tour!). I now have a sweet young friend in the ministry reminds me a lot of myself at her age. This would be perfect for her to read!
My husband has worked rotating night shift the entire 25+ years of our marriage. Plus, during hunting season he is often gone at night, so I have learned to adapt. He’s always careful to call every night, and call from work if he is working that night. I have not had the fear issues quite as much because both houses we’ve lived in the past 20 years have had alarm systems. In fact, I almost relied too much on the alarm system, and had to remember that God is my safety, not the alarm!
As you know I relate to all of this…thank you. I had to smile about the restaurant thing…that’s SO true! I have tried to reserve some very special meals for his return; things I enjoy cooking and he enjoys eating…so that I’m not so crazy to go out. AND…I always make sure to plan date nights closely following his returns too.
I think having a close church family is VERY helpful when he’s gone too. I have friends who have me to dinner or come over for chick flick nights when he’s gone…Stuff like that makes the days go faster and makes me feel more secure in case of emergency.
Excellent job, Barbara! I went through this, too, especially when the kids were younger. It was particularly hard for me because of my husband delivering babies. We homeschooled, and some days, I so needed him to come home and relieve me for a bit. It would be close to time for him to come home, and I’d be getting so excited, and then he’d call and say he had someone in labor. Often times, it meant he was gone the whole evening and even overnight. To say that I was not a happy camper is an understatement, I’m sad to say. As you can imagine, this happened numerous times.
One thing that eventually helped me was to remember the military wives whose husbands were gone for a number of months at a time. I began to be able to look beyond my disappointment and begin to be able to give thanks that my husband was actually home more nights than he was gone. It also made me pray more for military families and the hard time it is for them to be separated.
As you mentioned, coming to see that God could and wanted to meet ALL of my needs, and that my husband couldn’t possibly meet all of my needs, no matter how wonderful he is was another great lesson for me.
I do recommend having a friend or two that you can get together with when the dads need to be away from home.
It makes the time so much easier.
It did get better as the kids got older, and I knew that they could offer some help, if there was a problem.
I had a flashback as I read about you calling your landlord. When we were first married, I was teaching school and Keith was in med school. We lived in a little apt. on the end of a farmhouse. Keith had to go away for a month to do a rotation. Our landlord who lived in the other part of the house told me to call if I needed anything. Well, the first day after Keith had left, I came downstairs, and there was a mouse caught in a mousetrap. I had NEVER taken a mouse out of a trap before, and I thought, “It’s OK, I’ll just tell the landlord”. So, on my way out to go to school, I knocked on his door. I couldn’t even get the words “There’s a dead mouse” out of my mouth before I started crying. I was so humiliated! (of course, you know how easy it is for me to cry) That landlord got more than he bargained for when he offered his help, but the mouse was gone when I got home!
I read this and laughed because it is so true! Amoeba is in Hawaii right now. This time I was actually looking forward to him going — we have been so busy lately we’ve barely had time to connect and I knew that in Hawaii he would call me at least three times a day and that we would really listen to each other. So, in essence, I am missing him less now that he’s gone than I did the last three weeks before he left!
Barbara,
Your post ministered to me. Thanks for sharing your insights. I think this is your best post yet!
It gives me an added feeling of security that we have a (barky) dog when my husband is away. And generally I sleep better when I have the whole bed to myself.
But that’s the only up side to his occasional trips!
Great post.
My husband recently joined the military, we moved to the west coast where I knew NO ONE and we have a 3 month old daughter. During this time of transition I have developed many fears. Just last night thinking what if something happened to me and my daughter was left in her crib crying until my husband came home. Then there is the inevitable deployment…all of this we knew before he joined but walking through it is so different. Thank you for you post, it encouraged my heart and calmed my fears. I need to rest that the God who loves each of us more than I could ever know, neither slumbers nor sleeps.
Well, I’ve certainly had my share of living with a traveling husband through the years…and as you know, he is currently gone 4 nights a week…I’ve been through many of the situations you’ve mentioned…we’ve moved to new and strange cities and then he has gone and left me on my own…but then I’m never really alone, am I…God is always with me….
While I have to deal with a few days absence or even 2 weeks as in the past, I’m reminded often that wives of deployed soldiers face months without their husbands….even in our trials, we can always see others who have it much harder and be thankful.
Blessings Barbara….its Friday and that means homecoming for my Honey Bear…I await him with anticipation…he is taking Mondays off for the next two months which means 3 day weekends….I’ll meet him at the door as I always do and let him know how welcome he is.
Mama Bear
Very good post! I remember one time I called my husband in the middle night while he was out of town to say I heard something
He told me to call a neighbor or the police but I was too embarrassed because I wasn’t sure what I heard. It ended up being a floor board that was creaking due to cold weather. So glad I didn’t call anybody. Noises and such you can get used to. Being a single parent is harder. It’s harder to be the mom and dad when the husband is gone. My husband doesn’t travel excessively, but when he does, he is sorely missed.
Beautifully and wisely spoken/written.
I know that many women whose husbands’ health is failing, especially mentally, have to deal with many of these same issues. My own mom and M-I-L are dealing with this now. I am grateful for your ministry. God bless you, Barbara.
Thank you all. I am glad God was able to use the experiences He gave me and things He taught me to encourage others.
I needed to read this today — thank you!! My husband is a pilot and I am alone very often. It is so hard, and I really appreciate this post. Blessings to you!
Hugs,
Melanie
Thank you for your thoughts . . . my husband works in the film industry, which takes him away for weeks at a time. We both struggle with the time apart–most importantly because we miss worshipping the Lord together on Sundays. You’re last paragraph really hit home. What Psalms were you referring to . . . do you recall?
Meg, forgive me for not getting back to you on this. I do remember looking it up but then must’ve gotten distracted.
I believe they were the Psalms known as the Psalms of Ascent, Psalms 120-134. Some commentators say that they sang these on the steps to the temple, but others say they sang them on the way to Jerusalem. Maybe both? Of course, women did go to many of those events, but I am sure there were times when they had to stay home (like with young children, such as when Hannah had Samuel).
Wow, beautiful post. We are in the career transition period and my husband is in another country nowadays. The situation is fluid and I don’t know how much longer I have to wait. I am with my parents and it’s been a month already with my husband gone. I really miss having a home of my own, and of course my husband in it!
The situation can be really painful. And what doesn’t help is that he is not contacting me as much as I would like him too. In the beginning he called daily. I mail and message him frequently. But he can go quiet for weeks. That depresses me and then I do wail and whine to the Lord.
I can imagine! I’ve been fortunate that my husband has been able to call almost daily when he has been away. It’s harder when he is in a different country because the time differences can make it harder to find a time — and sometimes his time is not his own when he’s away and has obligations to the people he is with. I hope this doesn’t last too long for you.
I have really enjoyed reading everyone’s posts. I have a particularly hard time getting used to the travel because my husband had 2 affairs in the past. I found out about them and a few other indescressions in Dec. 2008, when he left his email open. We have been trying to get through this ever since. This was before he started traveling. He calls me several times a day, but I can’t help thinking… what if… I’m being fooled again? And if I call him and can’t get him, I’m frightened that it’s happining again. On top of that, I have watched too many crime shows in the past (NOT ANYMORE) and worry about someone breaking in. I feel so alone sometimes!
I’m in my 50′s and my son is in college. We moved to my husband’s hometown about 6 years ago, and I don’t have any good friends to talk to. I have work aquaintances and his family. My family is several states away, although I do talk to my sister.
We are under a lot of financial pressure, so I find myself getting jealous when he goes out for dinner and drinks nightly with his co-workers and I’m home eating leftovers. I do go out once in a while, with his mother, but that’s about it.
What does everyone do to entertain themselves week after week?
That would be particularly hard knowing that your husband has had affairs in the past. I don’t know if you’re a Christian, but the verse comes to mind about forgiving “70 times 7″ times — and besides forgiveness, I think I’d have to leave it with the Lord so as not to go crazy worrying about it. It does help that your husband is trying to keep in touch several times a day.
I agree about the crimes shows, and books as well. I gave up a particular author who was an excellent writer simply because reading his books made me afraid to be alone at night.
I have all kinds of things to entertain myself — reading, blogging, Facebook, online Scrabble with friends, a stack of craft projects, shows I keep up with. I am introverted, and getting involved in the lives of others is something I tend to fall short on except online, but where we used to live I went out to lunch with friends and was heavily involved in several facets of our church.
This post definitley hit home for me. My husband works on the road for 3-4 months at a time and comes home for a few days. It’s been like this for the past 2 years, and I’m not sure we can ever get used to this lifestyle. I am a sahm to two young children, that in itself can be trying, but doing it as a ‘single’ parent is even worse. I think the thing that I struggle with the most is that a year ago we moved across the country away from all of our family and friends for his company with promises that he’d be local. About 4 months after we moved here they expanded his region and now he travels even more. So the kids and I are stuck here without our family and without our household leader and I’m torn on whether or not I should just move back home or do I stay here and fully support my husband on the homefront. I have made a few friends, not really anyone that I could count on in a pickle, so I’m not really sure what to do. I don’t feel like I have anyone to talk to, nobody understands. Anytime it’s even brought up I get told that long distance never works… how encouraging :/ I just pray, pray, pray and trust that God has this all under control.
That’s really hard, on many levels. I’d definitely advise staying at your new place and supporting your husband — I would think that if you moved back, it might help with everyday support but might not be good for your marriage. Unless it doesn’t matter to the company where his “home base” is and he’d be willing to move back, too — my husband’s job was like that for a while — if he wasn’t on the road, the rest of his work was done via phone and computer, so we didn’t have to move for a while. I hope you’re able to talk on the phone or via Skype with your husband when he’s away.
Do you have a church that you go to? It takes a while to really feel at home in a new church, but my best friendships and biggest support base have come from my church family.
The husband of one of the young couples in our church is in the military reserves: he was in Kuwait, came back home, is in another part of the country for five months of training, and will probably be deployed again. I just can’t imagine — it was hard enough when my husband was gone through the week and only home on weekends. But God has definitely given them grace to do what they do. I hope and pray He will do the same for you.
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I am acutally in tears as i read your post, because i am going trhough it right now. I am married for 7 years. My husband just started this new rotational work and he is away like every month and sometimes he is home only for a week with us. I get so sad when he is away, our kids are still small. We have three (6,4,2 year of age).Tthe reason to my tears is that i am so new to this situation and sometimes i feel like God is punnishing me for something in allowing my husband to work so far away form us. We are living in a town wish is far from our family. I am having such a hard time with his absence that sometimes i dont know what to do even to entertaintain the kids because i become so clueless on what to do next to fill the day. I am a stay at home mom and i am a born again christian. i would like to have suppport form an experianced christian woman. So i am glad you posted this and it has helped me alot. may god bless you
Hi Gizela,
I’m so glad you found my post helpful. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It is very hard, especially with young children. I hope you can connect with some other ladies at church or in your neighborhood. It’s harder now with so many women working away from home but it’s so helpful to just meet at a park and visit while the kids play or even have another mom over.
I don’t think God is punishing you. I had to wrestle a lot with acceptance, with struggling with the thought that “It’s not supposed to be this way.” But sometimes it is that way, especially in today’s workforce.
I hope you’ll find some of the thoughts and suggestions in the post useful, and I pray you’ll find sweet comfort and fellowship with your Savior.
Thank you so much Barbara for the kind words. May God bless you
I stumbled across your post as I was fully of anger and resentment while my husband was working to take care of our lawn during the short weekend hours he is home. I was overwhelmed with guilt but also relieved that someone finally felt what I was feeling. I quickly asked for forgiveness (from God and my husband) and got on with my weekend. As I am sitting writing this my husband is on his 8 hour drive 2 states away. I re-read your post to feel a little sense of “normalcy” to what I am feeling and realize others go through these same things. I strive to connect with someone that can know how to pray and what to say without the typical “yeah, my husband works long hours too”. As I have read the many comments I am wondering if there is some sort of “group” these Christian women/I can be a part of online to encourage, support, be open with, and encourage each other. I don’t know a whole lot about blogging, websites, or anything of that nature. I just thought I’d throw it out. (Maybe a FB “group”). Anyway, even if this amounts to nothing but a thank you….thank you.
To put things in perspective put yourself in the shoes of a military wife. My friend takes care of her two small children while their father is in Afghanastan . For over a YEAR! In a WAR ZONE. She never complains and rarely allows herself to feel sorry for herself. She does what she needs to do to stay positive and carry on. She is the rock of her family. I am in awe of her and all military wives. God bless them!
Hi and thankyou I read your story and I know its difficult to be alone I have no kids no family where I’m from so I put my trust in god.thankyou I was meant to read this its gods way of talking to me!!
Thank you for your words and for others who shared their responses. Somehow it just helps to know I’m not alone in feeling alone.
Thank you, Annie, Sally, Em, and Pam. I’m glad God was able to use this to help others. Sally, I do feel for military wives. In myself I don’t think I could do that, but whatever God calls us to He enables us for.
Barbara, I actually just went on Googling on support groups for wives that have husbands that travel, and came across this blog. I KNOW for a fact that God used you to minister to me, because this has significantly helped in ALL the areas I am dealing with right now. I have a husband that travels a lot also, sometimes for a month, or for 2 months at a time. We’ve been married for 3 years (dated for 6 years prior to) and got a job where extensive traveling was required. I thought things would change after we got married but it seem extremely difficult for me to handle, especially with the job market.
I cannot express how this blog has truly blessed me, especially when you spoke about emotions, fear, resentment…everything. It really hit home for me on all levels. I actually didn’t have any hope, and found myself very negative, and resentful. I believe it started to effect my husband due to the fact that he is generally a very positive person. God is doing a work on me right now, especially in not allowing my emotions ruin what God has called me to do, which is to walk in love towards my husband. I’m not sure if you have heard of Christian minister Joyce Meyer, but she recently came in my town, and spoke about walking in love, and it truly blessed me, and now I feel a double dose of faith and hope through reading your blog. God bless you.
I’m so glad I’m not alone.
It’s definitely not an easy road, but God gives grace day by day, moment by moment. Thanks so much for writing — I’m glad this was a blessing to you.
I will be sending this to mu wife in hope it will help
Thanks — I hope she finds something here that will be a help to her.
Here is my story,
My husband left for Afghanistan in July, posted there for a year. We have had separations before from other tours and postings, but what makes this one different is the fact that both kids are out of the house. We had been sort of enjoying our ‘empty nest’ last 3 or so years. Oldest is abt 5 hrs away in his 4th yr of university, and his sister also was in university 9hours away, and would be in her 3rd year of school had she not ‘dropped out’ mid way through last year. She stayed in her school city and worked until August this year, but fell in with sketchy ‘friends’, got evicted from her apt, and decided to travel.
By travel, I mean wander, panhandle, couch surf etc. I fear more for her than I do for her dad who is in a war torn country! I lose sleep and find myself weepy. I have a good cell phone plan with the kids, and hear practically daily from my son. It seems like pulling teeth to get my daughter to respond to a text, and calls are few and far between. With that, I try to not be weepy when I skype with my husband, because the last thing I need is for him to be worried about us, when he needs to focus on keeping himself safe.
Our daughter is turning 22 this month, and when we talk assures me of her carefulness and safety. She is an adult, it just leaves me with so much stress and worry, I wonder if I am getting depressed. I belong to my church choir, which is good, but I am not very social or one to talk much abt myself, or my situation, I have no family right around here, and my co-workers are co-workers. Just finding this forum and typing this out seems to be helping I think.
All this is almost embarrassing. We are a normal well adjusted family. Through my husbands other tours of duty, when the kids were home I coped much better than I feel I am this time. I am feeling really alone. Lonesome.
That’s very understandable. It would be hard to feel at rest and secure with a child who is in an unstable situation and not keeping in touch well. It would be good to share with your pastor’s wife or with your Sunday School class. Other people’s prayer and concern can be very uplifting. I will be praying for your family.
I wrote this poem a few years back when my first son was about to leave home: maybe the thought there will be a help, too:
http://barbarah.wordpress.com/2010/05/08/an-original-poem/
Beautiful poem.
Thank you for your words and kind reply.
Thank you so much for this post. I read this laying in bed crying because my husband is away again. he travels a couple of days every week. It has been this way for 8 months now, we are only married for little over a year.
Sometimes I think that I’m used to it, that I can get into a routine of him being gone, but at times it’s so lonely and I just can’t stop the tears. I often think that this is not fair, it’s not what I signed up for, and this is not what I was promised. I think I’m in between the phases you talked about. Still working on acceptance.
Resently I have been having doubts about God, questioning if He is just a lie people made up to explain things that we didn’t understand. I really have you thank your post, and thank God. For He showed me again and reminded me of his love to me. I might be far from him, but He is always near to me.
Thank you again.
Lily
I’ve gone through the same cycles. I’m so glad God used this to minister to you. May you keep focused on Him and leaning on Him.
Such a great post,inspiring indeed,god bless you
Thank you, Joan.
[...] Coping when husband is away [...]
I thank you 4 your story. My husband just up & decided 2 move away from me & my two boys & didn’t even tell me till a few days b4 he started work there.He’s gone mon -fri & we see him weekends. I went online 2 be consoled by God & He sent me here. I don’t believe my husbands decision is from God(my husband don’t actually consult God b4 making a decision & hasn’t gaven his life to God yet)but I do believe if God didn’t want it God wouldn’t pernit it. We got in a big argument concerning this & his addiction to weed tonight.I don’t know what my husband is going 2 decide 2 do,as we aren’t talking right now(he likes to not talk when we argue)I don’t even know if he is planning on staying in our marriage,& possibly not,but this will certainly help me when he is away.please pray 4 us if u read this & our two sons.this is hard on us all.lots of struggles.I believe God is trying 2 teach me also 2 depend emotionally on Him more than my husband.so I know I need this.but it hurts a lot & he don’t understand how I feel.please pray 4 God 2 bring us understanding & all we need,especially emotionally & spiritually.& 4 my husband & kids to give their lives 2 God. Thank you so much!
thank you for your story reading this and the comments lets me know im not crazy and that other wives feel the same exact way this is the first time my husband has gone away and will be away for 2 weeks and its hard ive cried alot and still cry it is easier when i stay busy im able to video chat with him on weekends but its really hard to be away from him
I just happen to come across this post, it made me cry(in a good way!!) My husband worked out of town 4 days a week for the first 4 years of our marriage and i really struggled with it. In 2011 he quit that job to be home with me (and our newborn). I more or less begged him to stay home with us and he gave up a great career that he loved… anyways we just can’t make it financially, we have struggled to make ends meet for the past 2 years. But God has blessed us so much. On Monday my husband is returning to the same company he worked for before. It is going to be difficult especially now that we have a 2 year old that adores her daddy:) I am determined to cope with him being gone differently this time around. Your post has given me some insight on where/how to begin. I really enjoyed reading this, God Bless.
My husband works for the railroad and this morning left for his 14 week training. My son and I can’t join him until it’s over because of our financial situation… but I just wanted to say that I really liked this and I plan on bookmarking it as a reminder while he is gone for this time and when he actually starts working the weird hours that are sure to come.