A link from Amy’s Humble Musings yesterday took me to an article about a French woman, Corinne Maier, who wrote a book about why she regretted having children. One of her reasons is that children disappoint you.
Well. Duh.
Everyone will disappoint you if you hang around them long enough. And probably each of us has been a disappointment to someone else at some points along the way. We all have feet of clay, we all have faults, we’re all basically self-centered. In Bible terms, we’re all sinners. Children don’t come out of the womb with self-control and wisdom about how to act. Besides needing redemption, they need to be taught and trained. Left to themselves and their own instincts, they will cause shame.
This — the book, at least, and possibly the sentiment — seems to have been triggered by an outing in which the adults took the kids to a restaurant that the kids wanted to go to but the adults weren’t crazy about. Then the adults saw a museum they wanted to stop in, and the kids they didn’t want to be there and acted out.
Yes, that’s a normal selfish childish reaction. It’s also a teachable moment. It is through such times that children can be taught that the world does not revolve around them and that they can reign themselves in for a little while. If this kind of teaching is going all on through life, it won’t lead to a spectacular showdown as it would if you tried to teach them this all of a sudden after giving in to them all their lives.
Oddly, amongst the 40 reasons she lists for not having children is “To persist in saying ‘me first’ is a badge of courage.” She feels that a woman putting herself first (and therefore not having to deal with the “drudgery,” another of the 40 reasons) is courageous. But that same selfish “me first” attitude in her children is disappointing. There seems to be a bit of disconnection there. It’s ok, even noble for adult women to be selfish, but it is disappointing in children? The very quality she craves for herself she loathes in others.
“For the record, she has given copies of her book to both her children. Neither has picked it up, or paid it any attention.” That’s probably a good thing. I can’t imagine what it would do to their psyches. Ironically, the mother and her partner are psychiatrists.
Though she seemingly grudgingly admits, “you can have a meaningful existence having children,” her books strongly discourages other women from having them. “It is, she says, a means of shattering a national delusion, one that is damaging the lives of women, preventing them from progressing in their careers, keeping them from being creative and intelligent.”
Well, I happen to know many mothers who are both creative and intelligent, who take the time and care to raise and nurture and train little ones into responsible caring adults. Though it is often difficult and always challenging, it is a high and rewarding calling. Some would even say it is a joy.
9 Comments
October 6, 2007 at 11:59 am
Oh, my goodness! This is unbelievable! Has this woman considered that if all the women stopped having children and focused on “progressing in their careers” and being creative and intelligent . . . there would soon be no more women – or men for that matter – to continue the cycle of life. Humanity would become extinct. What a line Satan has fed to women!
October 6, 2007 at 1:37 pm
I am kind of regretting that SHE had kids too. Ya know? I feel sad for the kids.
Thanks for this.
October 6, 2007 at 1:51 pm
I’ve read that article a while back, and I just felt so, SO sorry for that woman’s poor children, who now know visiting an art gallery without being disturbed is more valuable to their mother than their precious lives.
So sad.
October 6, 2007 at 2:24 pm
Sounds like the children learned their self-centered behavior from their mother. I feel very sorry for her children. Sounds like their mother has serious issues. Who would publish a book like that? What/Who does it serve?
October 6, 2007 at 5:24 pm
[...] Filed under: Reading — Marcy @ 4:24 pm Barbara writes about an article about a woman who wrote a book about why she regrets having had [...]
October 6, 2007 at 5:37 pm
My goodness!! I have 5 adult children who are the joy of my life!! This is so sad!! She sure has believed a lie! You said it so well!! Children dispoint you! Well, Duh!
I have added your blog site to my side bar… hope this is okay!! Grams
October 6, 2007 at 7:29 pm
What a loony feminist! I’d adopt her kids in a heartbeat if that was possible. I cant have kids, and WANT them. I know that it’s not always a picnic, but watching someone learn things for the first tine amazes me.
I love your response about disappointment. Has that person not been in a long term committed relationship? I mean, your right, at some point everyone disappoints everyone they know. It’s just our flaws as humans, how unforgiving to hold that against ones children, it’s not like they KNOW right from wrong completely at birth, that’s our job as parents to guide them!
Thanks for posting this! Very interesting.
October 6, 2007 at 9:36 pm
Unbelievable! Ok, I guess I knew there were people like this, but still, unbelievable! She is most to be pitied. Sad, unbelievably sad, for her, her partner, her children, and, probably for their children, if they defy her and have them. Hmmm, wonder what kind of grandparent she will be? Hate to think.
October 7, 2007 at 2:35 pm
Unbelievable. What a very selfish women, IMHO she didn’t deserve to have children. That is just awful. Her poor children, 1st to have to have her as a mother and then to have to live the rest of there life knowing that not only they know, but the whole world knows just how there mother felt about them. AWFUL..